One has to wonder what kind of dirt director Michael Apted has on the likes of Noomi Rapace, Toni Collette, Michael Douglas and John Malkovich. Details of some Cayman Island tax evasion? Compromising pictures of drug taking or puppy kicking? Whatever it is, it certainly must be bad enough to have convinced this talented group of people to star in the undercooked and underwhelming thriller that is Unlocked; a movie that’s so laughably bad it makes Orlando Bloom’s dreadful acting the most enjoyable thing about it.
Shot almost three-years ago, it would appear that even Warner Bros. knew they were onto a dud with this story of espionage and terrorism in modern-day London. And whilst the idea of biological warfare being used in London-based attacks feels somewhat timely and terrifying, the fact of the matter is that it has been done bigger and better before, both on the big and small screen.
Rapace, as good as ever and desperately trying to save the film with her badass heroine, plays a CIA interrogator who is lured into a web of deceit as the questioning of a terror suspect becomes compromised from inside the agency. The problem is that you can pretty much guess who the mole is from the moment they appear on screen, proving to be just one of the many unsurprising surprises that litter the messy narrative.
On the run and not knowing who she can trust, Rapace’s Alice soon comes into contact with Bloom’s Jack, an ex-military man who offers his help in tracking down the people behind the terror plot. If you ever saw Bloom’s turn on Ricky Gervais’ Extras, in which the actor plays himself as somebody jealous of Johnny Depp’s Jack Sparrow, this sees him apparently trying to copy that famous Depp performance. Bloom’s Jack (Jack!!) is a bit of a geezer, all tattooed, long-haired and a bit wobbly at times too. It’s a truly awful performance, but it does manage to get a few unintentional laughs at the very least.
One particular highlight is getting to see Toni Collette kill some bad guys with an assault rifle, but that’s just a rare burst of energy that the film otherwise sorely lacks. Undecided on whether it’s a bit of b-movie fun or a serious thriller with a message, Unlocked suffers from a script that’s so dumb it has bigger holes in it than those left in Collette’s victims. Painfully predictable and stupid to the point where it’s insulting, this is one actioner that was best left locked away for good.
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