There are times where it really, truly sucks to be a fan of film. Gods of Egypt, a CGI-heavy, $140 million disaster which is as genuinely awful as most have critics have said, is exactly one of those times. Directed by Alex Proyas, it’s the type of film you endure rather than enjoy; one that’s so bad from top to bottom – and not in a fun sort of way, I may add – that, like a car crash, it’s difficult to turn away from, no matter how desperately you may want to.
The basic concept has bags full of potential, telling a story of shapeshifting gods and the mortals caught in the middle of their battles. An incredibly annoying Brenton Thwaites plays Bek, a mortal thief who goes on a quest with the fallen god Horus, to reclaim his throne from his evil uncle, Set. To save Egypt from Set’s tyranny and save Bek’s love from the afterlife, the pair have to face booby-trapped temples and giant creatures such as fire-breathing sand snakes.
Astonishingly, even with the spark of a good idea, the filmmakers somehow manage to get every single element so very wrong. In the right hands this could have been something like a modern day Jason and the Argonauts or Clash of the Titans, but the sense of adventure is lost amongst its messy narrative and expensive-but-cheap visuals – I’ve seriously seen better graphics in the latest Uncharted game.
Painfully embarrassing to watch – the cast, particularly Geoffrey Rush, look ashamed – it’s offensive as well. Not only is the cast made up mainly of white actors, but the way in which its female characters are portrayed as nothing more than half-dressed objects to be used in the bedroom, is appalling.
If you thought Ridley Scott’s Exodus: Gods and Kings was bad, this is awful on a whole other level. Easily the worst film of 2016 so far, and quite possibly one of the worst films of the last decade, Gods of Egypt is an overlong mess of a movie that’s a waste of your life. If Gerard Butler – who makes no efforts to disguise his Scottish accent – flying around in a carriage that’s being pulled by giant beetles sounds like your kind of thing, you might find something to enjoy. Otherwise, avoid this at all costs.
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