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The plot for this latest re-telling of the Tarzan story is so baffling, I honestly don’t know where to begin. My head is spinning without even contemplating what I’ve just seen, so here’s what you need to know.
This film is dreadful. Truly awful.
The motion captured animation is robotic, with dead-eyed human characters, and the story (if you can call it that) is all over the place and doesn’t make any sense. They clearly felt the need to use a voice over to clarify the unnecessarily complex story, particularly during the film’s first twenty minutes, which feel like a trailer. It not only gives the backstory but it tells us how the characters actually feel, providing brilliant observations such as “when Jane left, Tarzan felt a deep void in his soul”, or something thereabouts.
It’s clearly meant for a much younger audience than I realised, because I think even a five year old would scratch their head at some of the glowing plot holes and absurdities in the plot. Things like Tarzan being the only survivor of a helicopter crash, escaping with nothing more than a scratch on his cheek.
Don’t get me started on the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs showing up in the jungle and mutating plants into Peter Jackson-type monsters.
The plus side? The film is so rubbish that it’ll probably provide you with ample laughs. Whether it be the second rate dialogue that includes a zinger from the films villian (“Don’t monkey around with me Tarzan”) or the truly ridiculous (Tarzan and Jane falling in love during a whole verse of Coldplay’s Paradise).
Other than this accidental comedic value, Tarzan is the worst animated picture I’ve seen in some time. Stay home and watch the Disney version instead.